In my religious past, I was conditioned to believe that everything was revealed or to be revealed. It took me years to diagnose how this belief had transferred to gave me an exaggerated view of what I had to reveal to other people.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in being honest (for the most part), but now for a sound reason... not a superstitious one.

As a humanist I relate it to survival. If we're never sure where we stand with people, then life gets to be so much more hard work. We need to be careful with our physical and emotional energy to aid survival.

I still have problems from time to time with how open I think I should be with people, and with how open I expect them to be with me.

But just as you can miss out because you are too 'closed', so you can go too far in the opposite direction.

I think it applies to every relationship in life. Once I realised what I was doing with my "openness" I could take a more adult approach to managing relationships.

Of course, if you feel you have to be "brutally" honest about yourself whether to a priest or a partner you can see how useful that is to them and how powerful it makes them.
In the case of partners perhaps not even a power they want.
Why wander into that minefield...?

If there were such a thing as Blog Olympics, what would the individual events be ?

How often would they be held?

Would some groups feel obliged to boycott them from time to time? Why?

Your thoughts are invited.

Perhaps they already exist and I just didn't get through the qualifying heats?

Hmmm...

Sometimes I just wander at random round this website when I should be doing boring stuff like defleaing my shirts or ironing the cat.

I stumble across posts that really grab my attention, so I then descend into the comments.. the word 'descend' deliberately chosen. Bit harsh, I know.

I'm talking about a subset of the posts on relationships.

I follow a thread and get increasingly gobsmacked by the opinions expressed. Then it dawns on me…. I'm eavesdropping on a chat-up conversation.

Now that's fair enough. Live and let live.

But for me it's a bit like "The Curious Incident of the Blog in the Night".

I just don't seem to understand what's going on till I've spent minutes trying to follow what's being said.

Is it just me?

...if you try to hold on to too many things... and preserve things the way they were...  you get dragged down.
Hard and bittersweet though it can be, there are times to let go.
For me, there are no magic spells in life, but one that came close was "Life is about what happens next".
I think I had forgotten that one for a while.

A voice inside my head doesn't want me to write this... but I admit I lose perspective when I have the blues.

I overestimate the purity of my love.

I overestimate the value of the other person that I want to lean on.

The other 'real' person  that is... as opposed to the sacred image I carry in my head.

It's not anbody's fault when they don't live up to the expectation I have of them.

I believe in trust and honesty... but when was I ever 100% trustworthy and honest?... so ain't it just perverse to expect this of other people?

Sometimes it's hard to know what is for the best... I want to say I need someone, even when I know I can't have them. I recriminate myself for a bit saying I am not trying hard enough to 'win' them.  But sometimes.. well I thought I wanted this, but I'm getting that.. so be grateful, it doesn't mean I lost.

PS: when I say "value" of the other person, I mean their role fulfilling capability... not their human worth (of course!)  sounds technical now, don't it!

I can hardly believe this.... I feel washed out but up for doing something... I don't want to help anyone but would be willing to. Yes I would like to be with certain people right now... but I can't be.. and I am not stressed about...

Is there something wrong with me? Am I entitled to blog when I'm in such a condition.

I'm not full of wine, etc. and this is not immediately post-c.

Some invisible ray shining on me right now?

I guess I would like some enlightenment but it's entirely optional.

At the risk of starting this post with the words "At the risk of..."... oh it's happened. Aaargh, why do I caveat so much?

Physical attraction, does it always contain sexual attraction?

Can you be physically attracted to another adult, and you just want to be with them, to hear their voice, to enjoy their good looks,.... without eventually or secretly wanting to do something that, colloquially, involves them losing their brains (if performed wholeheartedly that is?)?

I think you can. However, we are sexual animals... so a bit of a doubt there.

A few weeks ago Michael MacDonald was playing in Manchester and I kinda regret not going to see him. Mind you I only had 3 hours notice and the concert was over an hour away!

This is because I think he may have sung a Doobie Brothers song called "What A fool Believes"

From time to time I think this is the greatest love song ever written.

Not because it's about when you're in love… it's about your imagination abusing you!

It's about a boy-girl thing that didn't happen in the past… … but it can be extended to other types of relationship and other non-events….

Here's the music if you want it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXvi9bySjQQ&feature=related

Here's the lyric if you need it...
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/d/doobie+brothers/what+a+fool+believes_20042480.html

(Madchester, eh ?...  back in the day....)

I used to be a commuter. I wouldn't always get the same train to and from the city, but usually any train within the spread of the rush hours.

Over time, of course, the faces of fellow passengers would become familiar. Then you would notice groups of people, by which I mean those who would have conversations during the journey, people who seemed to know each other in other hours.

Some people always travelled alone, though this did prevent the exchange of the occasional smile or nod.

Then it became obvious that you could, at a push, remember the sound of voices, or some of the patterns that relationships seemed to possess.

Snippets of conversations, displays of emotions, usual styles of dress… all offering possibilities for joining in. And sometimes you did join in.

Sometimes you even learned their names.

But I am no longer a commuter; and when I do make those journeys there are new faces who do not know mine. I am free but confused by this trick of time.

Many of the love songs say 'you can depend on me'… And adults can seriously promise this to those they love… We want to be there for someone… we want to be dependable… And why not?

Where do I fit this into my thoughts of dependency, independency and interdependency?

The love songs will not scan properly !