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Guilt..especially in relationships...
by Collar @ 24. Jun. 2008. - 09:46:35

Here are some thoughts from a little bit of experience. That experience doesn't make them sacred, feel free to challenge them, add to or comment...

Lots of people in unfulfilling relationships seem unable to take a step back and ask hard questions about their relationship beliefs.

Instead they hear the same old statements repeated inside their head about what should be the case.

Some.. for reasons I may suggest later...  are predisposed to associate a sense of shame to (only) themselves when these what-should-be's are not being met.

So those relationship beliefs… which you may possibly hold:

1) I believe that I am actually half of an… er… entity… e.g. I need to find my "other half", without whom I am incomplete.

2) I believe that I should not be more open about anything to anybody other than my partner.

3) I believe that a relationship should be for life.

4) I believe that a relationship can only end in hurt.

5) I believe that I cannot talk to my partner about the basis of our relationship.

6) I believe my happiness should depend on my partner.

If I can ony make one point in this post... these ideas are beliefs. More later.

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honeydewshoneydews [Member]
2008-06-25 @ 11:11

I belive the point
3) I believe that a relationship should be for life.

But alas I also believe the below statement :(
4) I believe that a relationship can only end in hurt.

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CollarCollar [Member]
2008-06-30 @ 09:26

Hmmm... do you think you might change on this one day?

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akubichanakubichan [Member]
2008-06-26 @ 00:02

I belive (3)
When interest disappears each other,
the relations are over.
I think so.

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CollarCollar [Member]
2008-06-30 @ 09:29

Yeah...though I think it would be odd if we had an end date in mind at the start! Sorry if that sounds flippant at the wrong time.

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miramazemiramaze [Member]
2008-06-26 @ 00:40

I've been thinking about beliefs a lot.

All stressful or negative beliefs need to be examined from time to time " IS it so ? Can I really be sure ? "

A belief that makes you happy , can stay .

"3) I believe that a relationship should be for life " - it is a noble aim , but not a MUST. Everything is of a changing nature - so many choices, so many variables, so many intentions ....

..sorry .. it's late and I'm babbling .

:roll: x :Wave:

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CollarCollar [Member]
2008-06-30 @ 09:41

My reply is even later! If it's going to be like this, you should babble more. :)
I agree with what you say.. just to add I also think we should challenge the "happy" beliefs.. it could make them stronger or move us to be more generous....
Everything is of a changing nature... succinctly put!
There's a whole new meditation there! Thanks.

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miramazemiramaze [Member]
2008-06-30 @ 14:40

:)) you're welcome... will babble more . Happy meditating :)
X

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whoknowswhoknows [Member]
2008-06-27 @ 14:18

I'm not sure I believe any of those, but I think the big one I am struggling with is 'I believe that I can change my partner for the better.' This ends one of two ways: they don't change and I get hurt. Or they do change and then I actually don't like what I've created!

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CollarCollar [Member]
2008-06-30 @ 09:55

Or....they change in small steps, and I am prepared to accept that,
Or... they do change and I like what I've created...
Or....

...anyhow's good luck in the struggle

Hmmm.. does your use of the word "created" suggest even a little bit of tongue in cheek, Ms. Frankenstein? Ever seen a piece of clay change the potter?

"Changing how your partner is".. sure sounds like a chunky post in its own right.

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whoknowswhoknows [Member]
2008-06-30 @ 10:22

Hmmm, it really is, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot recently. But in a mostly confusing way.

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